BIBLICAL ORDER IN MARRIAGE: THE TWO BECOMING ONE FLESH pt 4
Recently I presented a paper in my DMin class on what the
Bible teaches about order in the marriage partnership. This paper sought to define terms, exposit
pertinent scriptures, and provide practical application. It also sought to make
the reader aware of how some well intended Christian teachers have complicated
the issue. Thus, in a hopes that what I
have found and written will benefit you,I am presenting this paper over the
next several posts. Should you have
questions or comments, you may send them to Perseveringpastor@gmail.com.
When it comes to defining the model
wife, no scripture is more cited than Proverbs 31. King Lemuel begins by describing an excellent
wife. The Hebrew word for excellence, hayil, carries the idea of strength and
influence. Throughout the chapter the King
describes various aspects of a wife who is to be a treasure. This must be
understood in the context that many women in that day were treated as
chattel. Yet within the culture of the
people of God, a partner wife was greatly desired. Here we hear the praises of one who fulfills
the role of managing the home.
This
passage is a wonderful acrostic. The
woman has many facets of character. Yet,
it should not be expected that this is some type of super woman. However, with character and a respect for her
mate being central, we do see several virtues that run the course of her
life. The excellent wife is trusted by
her husband; enjoys working with the needs of her family; and is diligent in
caring for the needs of her home and children; she is wise with money in her
considerations and purchases; she exhibits strength and dignity as she looks to
the future and not the mere moment; and she fears the Lord. Her husband is seen in the center of this
passage. It is here we find that he is
regarded in the city gate, which is the place of respect. His success is largely based upon the person
of his mate.
Matthew 19:14-16
gives us many further insights as to God’s ordered intention for marriage. This passage illustrates the mind of God
regarding marriage and divorce. The
doctrine of a marriage being one flesh is bound in the idea of marital
covenant. God has joined people in this
covenant as it brings Him glory. To rend
asunder a marriage is possible, but it goes against the intent of God. Malachi emphasizes this truth when he writes
“I hate divorce.”
“Marriage is not an indissoluble, mystical union;
it is a covenant that, tragically, can, but ought not to be, violated.”[i] Divorce is so vile to the covenant bond it is
proportionate to the idea of tearing flesh apart.
The
apostle Paul addresses sexual oneness in 1 Corinthians 7:1-9. It is taught here that sex is to be a healthy
component of love and protection. It is understood that sexual union maintains
the bonds of unity and aids in overcoming temptation. Each partner, in God honoring sex, gives of oneself
to the other.
No
look at biblical marriage should ever overlook Ephesians 5. The framework of the chapter begins with an
admonition to be imitators of God. It
further forbids immorality, and instructs how one is to walk in the light of
Christ. The nature of Christians is to
so abide in Christ and abstain from the world, that they naturally greet one
another with “Psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs.” It is in this context that advice is given
on marriage, beginning with; “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the
Lord.”(Eph 5:22)
As
discussed above, the idea of a woman being subject to her own husband is often
a point of dismissal for those who oppose the Bible. Yet in the truth of God’s design for marital
order, this being subject to, is a
redemptive and protective design. Verse 32
of the chapter clarifies how this is an illustration of Christ loving the
church, and therefore the submission of the wife is provided not only
application but validation. The order of the wife and husband’s relationship is
consummate to the church abiding in Christ.
When the church abides it is nurtured and flourishes. Without this abiding it can never bear
fruit. Therefore wives, in submission to
husbands, will naturally benefit from this ordered relationship. Husbands, as seen in verses 28 and 29,
likewise will damage himself significantly if he does not love his mate, and
vice versa. Stated in another way, for a
husband to not provide the love commanded unto his wife is to harm both parties
of the marriage directly. Given enough
time, this lack of love axiom explains the atrophy that so many marriages
suffer when either party fails at the ordered role.
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